Penance, purgatory and perhaps a poor performance...
Going to confession for me is still a matter of pulling teeth. In fact its one of the most difficult things for me about being a practicing Catholic. I still feel like I'm "not doing it right", that i'm either couching my sins in ambiguous terms or, making a big deal of confessing what isn't necessarily a problem. Basically its hard to be straight up and honest, and not feel like i'm putting on a performance. Also, waiting in line for confession sometimes seems the aptest metaphor for Purgatory: you're there because you want to be, but your stomach feels like lead, and it certainly isn't pleasant. Except for the end. The process of cleaning one's soul is arduous before hand and during but penance is usually a pleasure compared to the actual experience. As for the "i'm not doing it right" thoughts, they also usually plague me before hand (heck, just another excuse not to go!) but afterwards, I'm usually consoled by a bit of Chestertonian wisdom: A thing worth doing is worth doing badly.
posted by windmilltilter at 3:52 PM
2 Comments:
True. True. I don't know that there are any professional confessees out there - except for maybe the saints. :)
5:48 AM
I know . . . the hardest thing is going to report the same things every time; and so you cover sins over with little defenses distracting stories, abstractions and tones of voice. Which makes the sins seem not so black and white. But how black and white are they, anyway? Perhaps not so black and white as a good Calvinist would say they are, but they're definitely more black and white than I make them in the confessional sometimes.
To my mind, this is another reason that it's important to have a permanant spiritual director who knows your past and your constant struggles, who you're comfortable with and used to opening up to.
6:47 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home