Been a while

So, since I cannot spend one more minute on a paper I know is due tomorrow, I thought I'd turn to my long forsaken blog. It is not out of pity that I turn to my blog. My blog does not need me. Nor is it out of need that I turn to my blog. I do not need it. I come freely, as men strive for right. Or something like that.
The thing is I have a bit of a niggling worry. Maybe its the realization that I may soon have to leave this place, and the people here, or perhaps its my vocation itself thats bothering me. In any case, I've felt the unwelcome return of a restlessness. Whereas last year I felt I was taking great strides in the right direction, I now feel myself stagnating, mired, static. Being still I suppose is fine when you realize your grand motion is sweeping you off in the wrong direction. But now I feel antsy. I don't feel ready to thrust myself forward in a new direction, and yet I don't want to stay where I am. I feel like all directions represent a running away from, not a running towards, and I despise that. The ivory tower is losing a bit of its luster. It just isn't a place I want to reside in...its a thing I want to help build, and then protect, while I'm out sleeping under trees. But for now, I stay inside, note the cracks in the mortar, the rotten timbers, try my hand at some rough carpentry, in the hopes it will one day be of use...and what? Wait. Patience is learning what lullabies to sing my knotted stomach....